It was an anything but predictable affair, yet somehow United hotshot Troy "Miss Sally" Taillefer foresaw the proceedings before the first ball was kicked; predicting a 4-3 outcome in the afternoon's game.
Taillefer - Must have ESPN
The air was cold and crisp as United took to the field at Portlock Park on Salt Spring Island on Saturday. There were a few changes as United were missing a few bodies, but overall United were still strong as they lined up against the islanders.
And it didn't take long for United to make the breakthrough as Joey "My Pants are Sweaty" Ventura was viciously taken down in the box with no more than 2 minutes up on the clock. Jeff "Stitches" Lenton stepped up and slotted home the resulting penalty, despite the keeper getting half a hand to it.
From there, United took control for long periods of the first half with some sumptuous football. The passing was brilliant and the link-up play between Mani "Shout, Shout, Let it All Out" Bains and Chris "Bananarama" Woodcock was some of the best seen all season.
But against the run of play, midway through the first half, it was the Islanders that leveled. A mis-timed challenge allowed the Salt Spring forward a half chance on net and he did well to beat Mike "Baby Gerber" Peters in the United net.
At 1-1, United were put under some sustained pressure and at the end of the half, conceded from a corner to allow the Islanders the 2-1 lead heading into the the break.
The message was simple at half from coach Holla: "Take your chances, we're the better team...I like dancing hip-hop and colouring!!!"
Holla's half time talk - the same only different
Despite the dynamite pep talk, United were at sixes and sevens to begin the half and not long after conceded a third in diabolical fashion.
3-1 down, away from home, arctic-like conditions, no Vinnie Smith; United could be forgiven for thinking there was no way back.... but not on this day as 15 boys went to Salt Spring Island on Saturday, and came back men (please, no sheep jokes).
The goal galvanized United. In what can only be described as a game for the ages, United dug deep and took advantage of a tiring, and in some cases appeared to be having serious chest pains, Salt Spring team.
Lenton lead the charge like a man possessed. His dangles were so dangly, that even Kim Kardashian would have been jealous...
Kardashian, pretty dangly earrings
Lenton's partner in the midfield, Sam "Chiu" Yager was commanding and Bains grew in stature as the game progressed.
United played some spellbinding football as they turned the screw on the fading Islanders. It was Bains who would strike first after seeing an effort deflect straight back to him at the top of the box; he made no mistake on the second effort as he hit a frozen rope into the back of the net. The goalie stood no chance.
3-2 Game on!!!!
United continued to press as they sensed a point was there for the taking. They were rewarded for their hard work as Woodcock lasered a second at the near post in the 80th minute.
Woodcock - Happy to be so handsome and back in the goals
With under 10 minutes left though, Lenton fell victim to a nasty challenge. A collision with a Salt Spring Island player left Jeff with a nasty gash on his head. With blood pouring out of his eyebrow, Lenton had to be helped from the field. Special mention to Joey V. for taking him to the hospital where he received some of that legendary Salt Spring Island craft work in the form of several stitches.
Perhaps it was the crispness of the day, or the flagging of the opposition; or perhaps it was the smell of blood on the field that prompted United to go for it - we may never know. Under the circumstances, a point would have been a good result.
But United don't do good...
THEY DO RAD TO THE POWER OF SICK!!!!!!
In the dying moments of the game, the day was to be United's. Woodcock, with some excellent work up front, proved too much for the opposition defence. A quick move saw him create a little space to shoot but before he could get his shot off, he was pulled to the ground...
PENALTY!!!!!
Was it to be? Could Taillefer's prediction come true? Could the circle now be complete? Who is Nash's father?
Yager came forward and stroked the PK home giving United the 3 points and a well-deserved victory.
And so the vision came true and United could ride home with a beer in their bellies and a grin in their hearts.
Asked what other predictions he had after the match, Taillefer's response was understated: "I predict a game this Friday against the Gorge." Well played sir, well played.
Man of the Match: Mani Bains
Honourable mention to Ryan Braun for man-handling his check several times.
Holle-Nash Ruby Red Slippers Award: Jeff Lenton for probably wishing he was at home.
Moan of the Match: Many dudes, single shower.
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