Along with red being the colour of the home team, it was also the colour of several cards shown to the Blazers in what can only be described as an F-Bomb-a-Poloosa.
United started brightly enough with some strong link-up play between the forwards and the mids. In only his second start in the middle of the park, Benny "Abreva" Stanchfield stepped in to deputize for the absent Boomer (see previous article).
United were to strike first through Jeff "Soccer is my Special Ta" Lenton and although this reporter was not present to see it, we were assured it was a gooder.
Lenton - quicker than he looks
United's second came a few minutes later as Dillon the Call-Up scored a header after a cross was deflected in the box. At 2-0 up, United maybe could have been forgiven in thinking that the game was over. Sadly, they were very wrong.
Artists impression of Dillon the Call-Up
Turns out that the average game of soccer lasts a lot longer than 35 minutes. The Blazers and their cunning ways took advantage of this "loophole" to mount a bit of a comeback as United assumed the match was done and dusted.
A quickfire brace in the closing moments of the half saw the Blazers draw level and celebrate in fanciful style. There was no end to the positive and encouraging comments made by the Blazer's scorer towards the United bench in what was a foreshadowing of events to come.
At half, it was 2-2 and United could not help but feel that they were a team on the decline.
United's instructions were simple at the half: get chatty out on the field, start winning the 50/50's, and play more soccery!
Despite the positive chat in the changeroom, it was the Blazers that came out with a bit of spring in their step as they looked more dominant in the centre of the park.
Mike "Custard Shorts" Peters was busy in goal and Jer "I Give the Impression I Don't Care But I Do" Roberg were tested and came through unscathed. Bryan "B-Boy" Butcher and Ryan "Shaver" Braun also had steady games as they absorbed the pressure and created a platform that United could attack from.
After 10 minutes of pressure, United had a significant breakthrough when Matt "Hangover Pt 2" Koenig found himself in acres of space on the left. He finished beautifully and all of a sudden, United looked the most likely to go on and win it.
Koenig - United marksman snipes the third
It was shortly after that the Blazers midfield came completely unglued. A high challenge from Sam "I Piss Everyone Off" Yager went unnoticed by the ref and the Blazers took exception to it. The challengee (or challenged) decided that the best way to get noticed by the ref was to use more F-bombs than an NWA concert.
Red card.
Not learning from his teammates discretion's, a second Blazer jumped into a tirade of expletives and promptly found a cold showering beckoning.
Red card.
Apparently Blazers are not the smartest lot as a third Blazer decided the ref might see multiple F-bombs differently a third time around.
Red card.
Have you got any reds? Go fish...
With 30 minutes left in the game, it was 11 v. 8 as United put it into cruise control. A fourth goal was put away sweetly by Joe "The Body" Ventura (old gag - still love it) and the game was won.
Ventura: if you squint, it kinda looks like Joey
So United take 3 points in their last game of the calendar year. A quick glance at the table shows United solidly in the middle of the table at 5th with 17 points and two games at hand on league leaders Castaways (28 points). Next stop, Powell River in the new year.
Man of the Match: Sam's reckless challenge in the second half all but sealed the 3 points. Kones also played very well and scored the eventual winner.
Holle-Nash Award: Mani Bains
Moan of the Match: Tie - First - the linesman on the United bench side calling an offside after United actually passed the ball backwards, only to later admit he completely made the wrong call and then let two blatant offsides by United go unpunished. Second - unnamed United player explaining that a ball to the face cannot hurt your eye despite the fact the United vet Andy Sails had his orbital bone crushed and had longstanding blurry vision and vision problems from just such a mishap.
