DERBY HERE, DERBY THERE, DERBY EVERY-FRICKEN-WHERE

On the night before the Derby, we asked rookie reporter 74 O'Houlihan for his thoughts on the big match.

Webster’s dictionary defines the word derby as “a man’s stiff felt hat with dome-shaped crown and narrow brim.” This reporter couldn't think of a more accurate choice of words to describe this upcoming affair between Lakehill’s two division 2 teams, United and Reds.

Match of the century seems to be a stretch when preparing one’s self for chapter two of this rivalry, although former United alumni Troy “pickle surprise” Taillefer has recently found a sports bar in Belize that is both showing, and promoting this Friday’s event. When I look back over the storied history of the rivalry, I am reminded of one glaring feature that rises out of my memory in a burst of flames and wonderment, like a phoenix rising from the ashes, or like the front of Mike Moore’s UVIC sweatpants after a blue pill. This one thing – the score. The reason that sticks so fresh in MY mind is quite simple, that is what I use to keep track of who wins and who loses sporting events.


These two teams met under a beautiful star filled night, with the aging….experienced United squad coming away with a 1-0 victory, or 2-0, maybe 4-2, or something like that. I personally feel that this “experience” that helped United to this convincing 3-1 win earlier will help them push past the youthful vigor of the Reds in their second and final match up of the season. Below you will find a brief list of reasons I find this to be true.

• United won the first match – an away fixture in the hostel Braefoot environment, usually showing little forgiveness to the away team. 
• United is home in the second leg, back at the friendly confines of Braefoot. 
• United has no players on their roster named Jean. 
• Dragons are extinct. 
• United is undefeated this season after coming off a loss. 
• The Reds have a player named Courtney and that is clearly a girl’s name. 
• Brian Mitchell finds pictures of cats highly amusing 
• United outnumbers the Reds in “Mikes” on their roster 2-0 
• They don’t have Hollefreund as their coach. 

The hype for this game has gone beyond anything the VISL has seen, with the message boards on the league forum exploding with terrible prediction after terrible prediction by a bunch of wahoo’s that don’t even have the common sense to live at home (saves money, that’s why I do it). It seems everybody these days is talking about this match up, and that’s enough for me, talk. That’s all I've ever wanted, that and dead island 2 for X-box. There’s like zombies everywhere, but you’re a dude that’s not a zombie. It’s crazy, totally crazy. You regain strength by drinking energy drinks, just like Nash at breakfast. You can pick up pretty much anything and use it for a weapon. Boat paddles, baseball bats, softball bats, cricket bats, guns, brass knuckles, barbed wire, nail guns, knives, swords, gas cans. Literally anything you want, you can use as a weapon. I think you can drown the zombies too but I’m not quite sure yet. I’ll probably get it at a black Friday sale somewhere, I think future shop is having some big thing on line to avoid their store getting totally messed up. Kind of like what the zombies do to the city in the game.

Anyway, got sort of side tracked. The game is at 8:00 on Friday at Braefoot and I’m sure I will see anyone who reads this at the park. Now here’s a sweet link to a giant star wars scarecrow.

http://www.geekologie.com/2012/10/giant-star-wars-scarecrow-scene-created.php

-74