NEW FEATURE! The People of Braefoot

In yet another brand new feature here at LakehillUnited.Blogspot, we're bringing you interviews with the people you just might see lurking about our beloved Braefoot Park.

In our first of the series, we interview Lakehill Danger Police goalie, and all around ginger-haired tough guy, Andrew "Carpet Matches the Drapes" Whidden.

What is Prince Edward Islander for Goalie?

Blogspot: You play for Lakehill, what specifically attracted you to the club?  Was it because they wear red and you are a ginger?
Whidden: The colors were very complimentary, but mainly it was so I felt taller with having T-Roy and Vinnie on the team in Div 3.
Blogspot: What position do you play – missionary or bottom?
Whidden: I'm a keeper... so whatever position I have to do the least work in. (Editor - that would be the bottom)
Blogspot: You play for the Danger Police.  Do you have any police or private security experience [don’t talk about your privates]? 
Editor - Whidden mentions his privates, we rewind the tape and ask again.
Whidden:  I once guarded two droids through the solar system, on a fact finding mission to find my sister and father, and to save the Empire........ sorry, I'm watching Star Wars......... so, no.
Blogspot: What’s your favourite thing about Lakehill and or Braefoot? [can’t answer Al Reid]
Editor - Whidden mentions Al Reid's privates this time.  We'd like more but already feel like we are on a tangent and ask the question again.
Whidden: My favorite thing about Braefoot is the turf. And it's a great place to watch Brian Nash injure himself on a regular basis.
Blogspot: Besides long showers, what do you do outside of soccer?
Whidden: I grow grass for a living.... the turf type. I'm a Groundskeeper for a billionare in the Uplands, and manage the 3 acre property.
Editor - We ask Whidden if he knows anyone who can get the other type for us but he goes back to talking about his privates.

 

Spot the ginger - Whidden is a natural red

Blogspot: We hear you’re from the East Coast.  Do you know the Trailer Park Boys?  We love those guys...

Whidden: I went to college with Corey and Trevor, but I know cats and dogs smarter than Corey and Trevor. And Julien's parents own a pizza joint in my hometown.

Blogspot: Remember that time Randy ate all those cheeseburgers?  That was pretty funny…

Whidden: Oh ya.... at the Cheeseburger picnic.... those fucking dirty burgers.
Blogspot: On the field, you’ve described your idol as a cross between Mike Peters and an athlete – do you have any other idols?

Whidden: A couple of American Idols..... but this guy named Doc we play with.... he may be old, but he's pretty cool.

Editor - Not really, Rimek is cooler.
Blogspot: We hear you used to work in Chicago at the old department store.  What did you sell and why did you get fired?

Whidden: A woman came in for a ruler, a ruler from the store. A ruler she wanted, 12 inches she got, and I don't work there anymore.

Editor - Now he's back on his privates, we don't have the heart to tell him that we use metric...
Blogspot: Finally – do you have any wisdom or additional information to give to our readers?

Whidden: Practice means to perform, over and over again in the face of all obstacles, some act of vision, of faith, of desire. Practice is a means of inviting the perfection desired. Actually, I stole that from Al Reid during a U-21 game. He rocks.

Editor - He does?

And there you have it: installment number 1 of the People of Braefoot.  Stay tuned for more interviews in the coming months.

Top Ten - Nash's Next Car: Number 3!

As a continuation of one of our popular features, we're bringing you the next car in the series Top Ten - Nash's Next Car and we are getting close as we enter the top 3 today!

To summarize, we've heard that Lakehill United and all around funny guy, Brian Nash, is in the market for a new car.  We thought it would be fun to help him decide what to purchase right here on LakehillUnited.Blogspot over the next few weeks.

So far, we've featured cars 10 through 4 in our quest to find the ultimate vehicle for Nash.  Today we give you...

Nash's Next Car #3 - The Donk

You must be asking yourself: "How did I not see this coming?"  And you would be forgiven in not knowing the answer.

The Donk is a popular style in the American South where a 71-76 Impala is given massive wheels.  It is both ludicrous and heinous and our editor agrees that if one man can pull off the Donk, it would be Nash.

McDonald's Donk - Supersize this Beotch!!!

After flirting with all types of awesome in our Top Ten so far, the Donk represents a new style and direction for the big man.  Picture Nash big pimping in a lime green Donk with his homeboy Medeiros while bumping Vanilla Ice on some massive subs.  

Nutz optional - but preferred

This writer looks forward to the day when he has to explain to his kids why Uncle Nash has such a sweet ride and also why they aren't allowed to ride with him...

Stay tuned for more Top Ten - Nash's next car as we get ready to give you car #2.

Castaways 4, Arsenal 2 - United Not Good Enough at RAP*

On a dreary Saturday afternoon, Lakehill United took on top-half division rivals, Castaways F.C.

It what can only be described as an "Arsenal" type display, United proved capable of being both scintillating in attack and ludicrously poor in defence.

Castaways opened the scoring in the fifth minute by capitalizing on poor marking off a set-piece (sound familiar Arsenal fans).  A free kick was floated in from the left wing and the Casty's forward rose to head home unmarked.

Arsenal concede a similar header to Casty's first (1:03 in)

United continued to doze and were nearly punished again for some slack marking.  As the half wore on though, United got firmly into the driving seat and pressured the Castaways back line with some sublime passing moves.  Unfortunately there was just no finish to compliment the tidy attacking play.

United's passing was sublime at times

The half ended at 1-nil for Casty's but Lakehill knew that their chances would come and that they needed to take them when they did.

And come they did as United came out firing on all cylinders in the second half.  It was United who created several good early chances but were simply unable to finish.  Finally, United got an equalizer midway through the half.  

Unfortunately, the tie game was short lived as United conceded a second in dubious fashion after they had  chances to clear the ball out of their own area.

United, though, continued to attack and were rewarded once again with a goal in what was turning into a thriller for all the wrong reasons.

Unfortunately, that was as close as they would come to any points as not once, but twice, Castaways punished some weak defending and went on to win the game.

United will be hoping for more this weekend as they entertain Cowichan at the Foot.

Man of the Match: N/A

Holle-Nash Award: N/A

Moan of the Match: There were at least 4 of them, lost count offensively. 

*No United players or coaches will be mentioned in this report to protect their identities.

Welcome to Triple Shot Thursday!!!!

Due to a serious lack of new posts over the past week, we here at LakehillUnited.Blogspot feel that we should reward you with not 1, not 2, but 3 brand spanking, hot-off-the-press new, articles!

So stay tuned today for a Match Report from the weekend, Nash's Next Car #3, and a new feature we are calling: "The People of Braefoot."

BONUS - Rimek has remarked; and it will be up later as well.

Enjoy -

Holla

Honours Even as United Fail to Beat Villa at Home

In just their second home game of the season, Lakehill failed to take the full three points from a young Powell River Villa.

 

United, reeling from their first defeat of the season in week 5, fielded a squad which saw full debuts handed to both Jer “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butta” Roberg and Brian “My Other Leg is a Weiner” Nash.  Despite the changes though, United were quickly on the back foot as Villa pressured the ball early and often.

 

Feeling the pressure, the United defence, led by Benny “Motorboat” Stanchfield, were quick to settle and organize.

 

It was Villa who had the first chance as their striker got in behind the United defence on a rare occasion.  Nash was quick to come across with a neat challenge in the box and the ref rightly waved away the protests for a penalty from Villa.  The striker eventually revived himself after pretending to be dead for several heart-pounding moments.

 

Still later it was Nash again at the centre of controversy as he challenged well at the top of the box.  Despite winning the ball, and not showing his studs, he received a yellow from the ref who, this time, got it wrong.  Fortunately for United, the resulting free kick was not converted but it was to little avail as Villa were on the verge of a breakthrough.

 

A long ball was floated from the left into the far post.  Mike “Baby Face” Peters came out of the goal to challenge but was unable to fully claim and in the resulting scramble, it was Nash who was penalized for a strong challenge.  Villa converted the penalty in what was their first significant chance on goal.

 Villa - not the only one to score on Peters...

As the half wore on, there were a few chances for United as they went to a long ball tactic to try and generate some synergy.  Overall though, United were poor and failed to create the cutting edge passing game that is their trademark.

 

Fortunately, the second half was much better as United made a couple changes to both personnel and formation.  Going forward there were more options and as the game progressed, it looked likely that United would equalize.  

 

Bryan “Hoof Hearted” Butcher was unlucky not to score after some desperate defending in the box and Mani “Disco Isn’t Dead” Bains could not connect unto a cross that squirted out to the back post.

 

United eventually got their equalizer with about ten minutes left.  Villa were starting to give away fouls as their fitness and work rate waned and it was just such an opportunity that presented itself to Motorboat Stanchfield.  A foul at the top of the box allowed Stanchfield to bend it around the wall and into the back of the net.

 

The game was not over yet though and United survived one last onslaught from Villa with some fine work from Peters in goal.  In the end United were unlucky not to win and will be looking for the full three points this Saturday at Royal Athletic Park.

 

Man of the Match – Mike Peters

Holle-Nash Award – Jer “I Caught Crabs” Roberg 

Moan of the Match sponsored by Clearly Lasik – Rhymes with “BUS”

Top Ten - Nash's Next Car: Number 4!

As a continuation of one of our popular features, we're bringing you the next car in the series Top Ten - Nash's Next Car!

To summarize, we've heard that Lakehill United and all around funny guy, Brian Nash, is in the market for a new car.  We thought it would be fun to help him decide what to purchase right here on LakehillUnited.Blogspot over the next few weeks.

So far, we've featured cars 10 through 5 in our quest to find the ultimate vehicle for Nash.  Today we enter the top 4...

Nash's Next Car #4 - A Pair of Tata Nanos

Doesn't that just roll off the tongue?  Known as the cheapest production car in the world, the Tata Nano is built in India and goes for just over $2100 USD.  At those prices, we figure Nash could purchase a pair [stay with us here - you've probably guessed where this is going].

Nice Tatas!  We had to Google "Tatas" to find this pic...

Imagine how much fun Nash could have with a pair of Tatas: 

"Where's Nash?" 

"He's out waxing his Tatas."

The only possible issue we can see is the teeny, tiny habit the Tata has of catching on fire...

Oops - you might have driven your Tatas too hard Nash...

While we can go on and on about Nash's Tatas, we're going to take the moral high ground and end  this article right now.

Keep watching for Nash's Next Car # 3...

What's Going on There!!?? Inside the Player's Minds - Matt Koenig

In perhaps what could be a new series here on LakehillUnited.Blogspot, we will endeavor to bring you inside the minds of some of our United players this year.

Either through picture, video, or spoken word, we'll gather the intel on your favourite United players (and perhaps staff) and present it to you - right here on LakehillUnited.Blogspot.

Today, we bring you the following clip from United midfielder Matt Koening.  Anyone who knows Kones has often asked, "What is going on in his head?"

Well be prepared to be answered.  The Squeegee Bandit himself sent the following clip in for review:

What do you search to find this????

I think that will probably prompt more questions then answers but at least we know how Kones stays limber.  Stay tuned for more What's Going on There!!??

United Lose in a Blaze of Glory! Points Dropped at Tyndall!

United lost their first game of the season at what is turning out to be a nemesis of a field at Tyndall Park.  For the second straight week, United played a Gordon Head squad at Tyndall Park and for a second straight week, failed to pick up 3 points.

In what looked like a pivotal game for potential league leaders, United came up against the Gordon Head Blazers - a team far more serious than their name entails.  Our editor at LakehillUnited.Blogspot suggested the Gordon Head Tuxedo Tops or even the Gordon Head Sports Coats as being more descriptive names.  Perhaps even the Saanich Fusion Smoking Jackets?

Now that we've clearly milked that gag for all it is worth, on to the action.

VAN DAMME - Coors Light Commercial HD [2011] -... by mikropikol

Van Damme would have beat the Tuxedo Tops (got another copy - woohoo)

Lakehill started the game brightly with strong passing play by Ian "Dizzy Fart" Broome and Jeff "Mop Fart" Lenton in the centre of the park.  Despite the strong passing game, Gordon Head managed to put pressure on the United back line, who were slow to organize.

As the first half wore on, it became clear that this was gong to be a battle as both teams enjoyed possession.  Matt "Little Fart" Koenig went close for United while the Blazers themselves hit the crossbar and looked dangerous at set pieces.

At half, United made a couple of changes and it seemed to galvanize them into action.  Kielan "Angel Fart" Hrasky got taken down a couple of times for being unfit while Jer "Dog Fart" Roberg looked lively on the wing.  Bryan "Sex Fart" Butcher had good success dropping the ball into the back post but was unable to find the United front two of Graeme "Fire Fart" Mann and Chris "Cough Fart" Woodcock.

As the half progressed, United looked the most likely to go on and win it but unfortunately, the soccer gods were not smiling on them.  With just over 5 minutes left in the game, a physical challenge by Ryan "Doesn't Fart" Braun saw him handle in the area and the penalty was given.

It was a clear PK and there could be no complaints from United.  Blazers struck it home and despite some last minute tactical changes by coach Holla, United lost their first game of the season.

Next week, it's Powell River on Saturday at 4:00 pm.

Man of the Match:  Benny "Drunk Fart" Stanchfield
Holle-Nash Award: Brett "El Diablo Azul Lucho Libre Fart" Poulis had a fine performance.  He also loves Jann Arden.  We know there are pictures out there - send them to Holla for posting.
Moan of the Match:  There were several on the Blazers.

Top Ten - Nash's Next Car: Number 5!

As a continuation of one of our popular features, we're bringing you the next car in the series Top Ten - Nash's Next Car!

To summarize, we've heard that Lakehill United and all around funny guy, Brian Nash, is in the market for a new car.  We thought it would be fun to help him decide what to purchase right here on LakehillUnited.Blogspot over the next few weeks.

So far, we've featured cars 10 through 6 in our quest to find the ultimate vehicle for Nash.  Today we enter the top 5...

Nash's Next Car #5 - The Chevy Cavalier/Pontiac Sunfire

This one is a crowd favourite in the Westshore communities.  We all know the demographic...Ed Hardy steering wheel cover, Looney Tunes seat covers, fuzzy dice, sweatpants or maternity wear the chosen attire, and a lead foot worse than Mario Andretti.  

What is it about Cavfire drivers that makes them want to drag race every other car on the road?  Their top speed has got to be no higher then 100 km/h.  

Cavfire drivers picture themselves in this...

Got a tailgater?  Chances are it's an overweight thirty-something gal texting while trying to drink a Timmy Ho's and adjust her crotch in her vintage Zubaz pants at the wheel of a Cavalier...

This is what they actually are racing you in...

Having a Cavfire would allow Nash to adjust his image, while still playing to his aggressive tendencies.  And for that awesome image alone, the Cavfire is #5!

Nash...or is it Joe Dirt?

Stay tuned for Nash's next car #4 and many other features right here on LakehillUnited.Blogspot!

United Sing the Blues After Dropping Points at Tyndall! PLUS: The Squeegee Bandit!

Lakehill United dropped their first points of the season after a road draw with Gordon Head Blues at Tyndall Friday night.

United, who were without coaches Holla and Butch - as well as several of their first team, went to Tyndall in search of their third successive win in the VISL Division 2.  Unfortunately a 1-1 draw was all they could muster, while still maintaining their unbeaten start to the season.

The match started at a frenetic pace as Gordon Head pressed United all over the park.  The Blues were without any points thus far, and had six call-ups for the match.  And it looked like the youthful exuberance of the call-ups caused United difficulties.

United did attempt to play the ball on the turf however the pressing game of the Blues halted any type of tempo from being established.  United center mids Jeff "Pizzaz" Lenton and Mani "Not Actually Currency" Bains were kept busy as every ounce of fitness was squeezed out of them by the fit Blues call-ups.

Mid-way through the first half, some United personnel were duped into believing that Coach Holla was present at the field after some excellent trash talking from a nearby bush.  The truth of those calls may never be revealed.

United got their goal through Bains as he shot hard from an acute angle to punish Gordon Head for some sloppy defending.

Bains....Mani Bains - License to Score

It wasn't to be United's evening though as the Blues equalized.  

Late on, Bibo "Gay Apple Junior" Bissendon had an excellent chance to score the winner when the Blues' keeper gifted him the ball about 20 yards out.  Bibo unfortunately could not take the chance with the open net staring him down and in the end, a tie seemed a fair result.

In other scores, Blazers were beat 4-1 by Gorge keeping the top of the league within touching distance.

Next week, there is another visit to Tyndall as United take on Gordon Head Blazers.

Man of the Match: Ryan Braun

Holle- Nash Award: Dillon received the Colt 45 while Kones transformed into the Squeegee Bandit!

Moan of the Match: No Holla

The Squeegee Bandit!

And finally one last item to round out your weekend....YARGH!!!! - Sound up, 12th second...

Reference here:  Holla mentioned on Arseblog [Bottom]